You felt great all week in practice. You were locked in; moving and reacting well. Feeling focused, confident, and having fun with your teammates.
Then game day came and one mistake turned into another. You started to overthink everything and suddenly your confidence was gone.
Most athletes think confidence comes from:
- Being a starter
- Winning
- Playing well
- Validation from coaches & parents
But here’s the truth:
If your confidence only exists when things go well, it’s not real confidence…it’s CONDITIONAL confidence.
And conditional confidence will always disappear under pressure.
The Two Types of Confidence Every Athlete Has
#1: External Confidence
This kind of confidence comes from:
- Performance
- Recognition
- Strong Stats/Results
- Being “on” that day
It feels amazing, of course! But, it’s fragile. The moment you:
- Make mistakes
- Get benched
- Have an off game
- Feel judged
All of the “confidence” you just had, can collapse instantly.
#2: Internal Confidence (The Most Important One)
This kind of confidence comes from:
- Emotional regulation
- Nervous system stability
- Self-trust and self-compassion
- Having an identity beyond your sport
- Self-love & Self-respect even on rough days
This is the confidence that doesn’t disappear after one bad game because it’s rooted inside YOU, not in the outcome.
Elite athletes master both. Most athletes are only taught how to compete, not how to cope.
Why Most Athletes Lose Confidence After One Mistake
You don’t spiral because you’re weak.
You spiral because your nervous system hasn’t been trained for emotional stress.
After a mistake, this is what usually happens:
- Your body goes into fight, flight, or freeze
- Breathing becomes shallow
- Your mind starts racing
- Your inner critic gets loud
- Fear of judgment activates
- Old failures begin to resurface
At that point, logic doesn’t help and positive thinking doesn’t work.
You’re not losing confidence…you’re losing regulation.
The Real Foundation of Unshakeable Confidence
Real confidence is built through:
- Emotional regulation
- Breath control under pressure
- Self-trust through consistency
- Internal validation instead of chasing approval
- Knowing who you are beyond your athletic identity
When your body feels safe under pressure, your mind stays clearer.
When your mind stays clearer, your confidence remains strong.
5 Tools to Build Confidence That Actually Lasts
1. Using Breathwork After Mistakes
Instead of spiraling, you reset your nervous system in real time.
A few SLOW EXHALES can literally pull you out of panic and back into focus by activating your parasympathetic nervous system.
2. Post-Game Emotional Processing
Instead of trying to suppress your “negative” emotions, write through them. Grab a journal and start getting your thoughts, emotions, and inner-dialogue you experienced that day onto a piece of paper. This prevents emotional buildup, burnout, and confidence crashes. It also helps you review what went on in your internal world that day and will help you “snap out of it” faster in the future.
3. Nervous-System Safe Self-Talk
I’m not talking about harsh motivation, or fake positivity. I’m talking about real self-talk that reminds you that you are NOT your mistakes and that you are safe to keep going for your goals, while detaching from perfectionism so that your nervous system is regulated and you feel grounded to keep going!
4. Establishing an Identity Beyond Being an Athlete
You are not just an athlete. You are not your position. You are not your stats. You are not your worst game (or even your best for that matter). You are a multi-dimensional human being with lots of passions, creativity, and talents. When your identity is bigger than your sports performance, your confidence becomes unshakeable.
5. Developing a “GPS” mindset.
Think of a GPS system in the car. The GPS system never asks you where you were before, it simply asks where you are now and where you want to go next. You can apply this same system to your athletic career. Once you have a clear understanding of what you want to accomplish, start taking mini-steps to get there. For example, if you want to create a habit of bouncing back from mistakes faster, start by taking 6 deep breaths in the morning to help your nervous system remember how to relax.
What Confident Athletes Actually Do Differently
Confident athletes:
- Bounce back quickly from mistakes
- Stay present in the moment instead of overthinking the past or the future plays
- Use pressure as feedback, not an excuse to shut down
- Don’t emotionally abandon themselves after a bad performance
- Trust that one mistake or game lost doesn’t define them
- They don’t avoid failure, they move through it with stability.
A 2-Minute Confidence Reset You Can Use Anytime
If you feel anxious, overwhelmed, or stuck in your head:
- Place one hand on your chest, one on your belly
- Inhale through your nose for 4 seconds
- Exhale through your mouth for 6 seconds
- Repeat 5 rounds
Then silently say:
“I am steady. I am safe. I trust myself.”
This rebuilds confidence inside your body first (where it actually lives).
If You’re Struggling With Self-Doubt Right Now
Remember this:
You are NOT a failure, you are NOT behind, and you are NOT weak.
You are EXACTLY where you are meant to be in your athletic and self-development journey, working through mental and emotional lessons to help you become a stronger, more stable, and consistent athlete!
My guess is that you were never taught how to work with:
- Your nervous system
- Your emotions
- Your inner world
The same way you were taught to train your body.
Confidence is not something you’re born with. It is a skill you train over and over again. It’s in the way you talk to yourself, the way you carry your physical body (body language), and in the way you bounce back from mistakes (because they are inevitable).